you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
is this the sara with the beer cane?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
