I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize
