What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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