Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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