i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
