I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
