Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
