Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
