How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
The air taste purple.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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