He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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