I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
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