You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
