did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
