is your mom at the bar?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
