I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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