Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
