and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
