the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
