WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
