Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
