Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
