I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
