Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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