I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
