I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
