in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
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It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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