Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
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