So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
