a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
