You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize