i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
