I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Randomize
