somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
he fucked my hip out of place.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
