No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
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I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
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Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
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