I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
