Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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