you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I supernannyed him into submission
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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