Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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