dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
It's never too late to be topless.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Randomize
