I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
