well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
