I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
