she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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