We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
