I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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