oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
