It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
i came on her dog
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
