We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
