real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
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