i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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