i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
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You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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