That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
