Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
the condom got lost in my hair
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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