Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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