I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
