There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
