Bisexual people are plain selfish.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
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Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
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OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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