i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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