just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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