peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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