i already hear my dad disowning me
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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