That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
