Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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