I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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