We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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