I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
please don't ironically join a cult
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