It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Randomize
