Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
